Research

I really appreciated your last comment, so I decided to do some reasearch, within myself and online.

Things that affect my relationship with my weight, healthy, body, and body image:

mom, society, my focus on weight rather than health, want for instant gratification.

Things that are successful to breaking a habit:
1. awareness
2. wanting to change
3. commitment
4. consistency (one step and day at a time. commiting on a daily basis)
5. perserverance

Quotes from online that I feel are true for me:

You greatly reduce your success probability if you suddenly wake up one morning, say “This is the day,” and dive headfirst into a change without realistically and specifically planning how you will make the change happen. (THIS is exactly my MO. I need to change and be more realistic and gradual in my endeavor to change.)

The Action stage must be followed by constant vigilance and a systematic plan for dealing with those temptations that can draw you back into the old, destructive pattern. It’s hard work to consolidate the gains you’ve made during the first four stages and to prevent relapse.

Celebrate achieving your goals, but don’t relax and tell yourself, “Whew! I’m glad that’s over!” Develop a menu of mental and behavioral coping strategies that will take you through the times when your feet begin to slip. (I have this fantasy about being "done" with this, but I have to recognize it may not be as simple as that.)

I will be following up on more research, because I obviously need to get a realistic strategy in mind. Thanks for all the help, you have no idea how much it means.

(oh, and the fact I could even make that last post really tells me how much trust and how safe I feel with you because that is hard for me to talk to even Joey about. Thank you for allowing me to have that with you.)

Ly,
M

Motivation

So I've been down about not doing well with everything (again...).

It feels really horrible and shameful to keep coming on this damn blog writing the same thing and messing up every time. I don't understand why I can't seem to do this. I can maintain a 4.0 throughout college, work, maintain relationships, but this is still something I struggle with all the time. I am beyond frustrated with myself. I feel like I don't know what to do, and I am so afraid I'll lose it again and then gain it back, and on and on and on.

So, on a more positive note, I've made a promise to myself to do what I can to be as healthy and confident as possible by my 21st birthday. I am young, and these should be the years I have to feel good and happy with myself, to be healthy and content. Today has gone well, and I put the balance in practice with allowing myself small treats (two Newman O's they had at work) while still eating healthy throughout the day. I think my main problem is restricting. My mom and I are going to LA Fitness Wednesday morning (my day off! no school or work!)so that will help. I think going to the gym will help keep me on track. I started going downhill when I stopped going.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I love you and thank you for always being there for me and not getting sick of me!

Love,
M