Alright M, I'm waiting for a post from you! What's your update?

a

A good feeling.

I'm feeling a lot more positive about everything. I had a couple of days of eating I wasn't quite proud of but on the whole these last few months have really changed my life. I feel like I'm in a super positive place about weight, food choices etc. I'm thankful for both of your help. I think that the last five pounds is not as essential as maintenence is. I feel like I need to keep this lifestyle going forever and that seems like a monumental challenge. I don't want all of this hard work to ever go down the drain. I've done it way too many times when I lose weight and go back on bingeing for a few months. I'm grateful for the support of the blog to know that any time I'm struggling I can come here.

a

umm...

So I'm not sure what happened exactly, but last week I was 128 on the nose. Today I was 125.8.
I'm kind of baffled by this. I have no idea how this happened. I'm thinking is there some way I lost some muscle because I skipped my 4th day at the gym? I don't know, it's weird based on the way I ate for two days. It was only 2 days of bad eating and the other 5 were great. But still, how is this possible? I'm not going to let myself think about it too much. The same thing happened thanksgiving week. It doesn't make any sense. I guess I just realize weight fluctuates a lot and I think I'm actually at a stable place and water amounts, time of day etc are probably affecting it.

But either way I'm happy I didn't gain which is what I was afraid of. Started the week strong at the gym this morning with a tough workout. Satuday I was going to go for my 4th day at the gym, but since I never go on Saturday I didn't realize they're only open until 12. I was really mad. By the time we got back to town, it was closed. And they're closed all day Sundays. Can I just ask, why be closed almost the entire weekend every weekend? Ugh.

I hope that you both are doing well, I miss you both. Excited for New Years, M.

By the way, I'm working on my morals. I'll call soon. About to head out the door with G to go get my ipod jack installed at Best buy!!

a

Reflections

Hey A, so I have been fighting VERY similar demons as you know. Now, let me tell you Christmas was awful food wise for me. We went for lunch with Joey, his brother, and his divorced parents and we went to Waffle House, where I tried to be healthy with an egg white omelete, but it was TINY and I was hungry so I ate pretty badly. Then at his aunt and uncle's house the menu was pulled pork, rice and beans, and pastile (or something, I had no idea what it was). All very Hispanic and unhealthy, and it sucked because these were VERY nice people, but I did not feel uncomfortable explaining to them I was on a diet or anything like that so I ate pretty poorly. I had two choices: starve or eat.

BUT, that isn't an excuse. I need to look at it as a learning experience. I can be prepared next time, and head into these situations with a game plan. I went to the gym today and am going tomorrow.

These things are going to happen, and they will happen for the rest of our lives. Food is hard because we need it, and that balance of unhealthy vs. healthy will always be something we have to battle. And we have to be healthy and strong and determined to be healthy, but we also have to be sane. I never want food or this battle to be the most important thing in my life. Because, let's face it, it isn't. I spent an amazing Christmas with my family and Joey's and made memories I will have forever. I struggled with food, but I know I can get that under control, and I know you can too, A. You stumble, you wipe off your knees, and jump back up and fight. We will get to our goals, I know it. I will keep fighting and working until I've lost another 40 god-forsaken pounds. I know I will mess up again though, but I will just get back up again. I will take lessons from my screw-ups and try to make it happen less and less.

I am so proud of us (you too Kate!), and we have done an AMAZING job, we really have. Don't lose sight of that, just buckle down, and keep going. I'm with you. And if anyone can do it, we can.

Here's to our upcoming successes. <3

M

gross

I'm going to be a little hard on myself in this post, so brace yourselves. But I feel like I need to get it out and this is the only place to do that.

So 23rd- Did really well, stuck to my guns, avoided crap, etc.
24th- Not a fan of the dinner. I mean lots of carbs, nothing I cared for too much except biscuits. Seriously, I picked at everything a small bit but the only thing I ate worth anything was buscuits. But then later I'm hungry and it's not my house so small amount of dip and a couple of cookies. That's it. All day. No nourishment, nothing worth any nutritional value what so ever. But I wasn't even hungry. I just felt gross.

Today, bad again. I mean I think I knew I would be. I had planned today I'd eat some chips but that was before the mishaps of yesterday. Lots of chips, bacon and eggs for breakfast, (not in this order) delicius chicken my mom made (it had lots of naughty ingredients like whipping cream and some butter) and green beans. Then after dinner I guess I felt bad and just ate a few chocolates because they were there and I was down on myself.

And then as I was eating these stupid chocolates I had a moment of clarity where I thought, do I really want this or am I just upset about what I did? Well obvously it was the latter. So I just had to make a conscious choice to stop for the day. I can't undo what I've done. I can't take it back. But I'm going to the gym in the morning and I have a new day.

I felt big and proud of myself that I'd be able to survive the X-mas craziness with food, I'm strong enough, I'll only indulge in a few treats. The truth is, I'm not at a point where I can just indulge mindlessly. Because as soon a start social eating, I just don't stop. In my home I can ration portions SO well. Which again is a huge improvement, I never used to be good at this. But socially, once I'm around my family and I give into the notion that "it's Xmas or it's some other special day," I know there will always be SOMETHING, some reason to go crazy, but the fact is I just don't want to do it to my body.

It's just not worth how I feel in this moment. I'm guilty, I'm sad. I feel like all the hard work this week is down the drain, I know for 100% fact I've got to gain a pound this week. I've eaten worse in the past two days since we started this blog. I haven't gained in 13 weeks, that's incredible for me. And now I feel like I will. BUT I know I just have to start over. Get home, gym, healthy shopping and move on.

I feel like I need to get serious about being 120. Is this a goal or isn't it? If it is, I need to get my butt in gear because I have another almost 8lbs to go and I'm not going to get there if I keep giving in like this.

a

acc..

Mary, I'm super proud of you. I know this has been a tough week, but I have so much confidence in you that you will be able to perservere. You're practically half way there! I know my math isn't great but if you've lost 35 and you have 40 to go that seems like almost half to me.

I wanted to share a little tidbit because maybe this might help:
Yesterday we were driving to the inlaws and Gord called his mom to ask about the food options. (If it was all majorly unhealthy we decided we'd stop and eat healthy before we got there. Which I think was a good way to start out.)
It turns out there's lots of cakes, cookies, pies, chips and dip and veggies platters. She was also making a big ziti dish for actual dinner. So I was able to decide ahead of time what I'd allow myself to eat. I thought about it from a much more rational place because I wasn't in the midst of it. It's so much harder to decide in the moment than ahead. So I talked to him and said, I'm going to allow myself to have some chips and dip this holiday. I really enjoy that. BUT I don't really care about the sweets AS much. So I'll indulge in the thing I like (not a ton, but a little) and please help me not to eat the sweets. So I had that accountability right away with him. Then I was able to allow myself a little treat without doing something I'd later regret.

We used to do this when we were waiting for marriage. I know it sounds totally weird to relate the two. But it's true. We'd talk about things before the heat of the moment and establish our guidelines before we were in the heat of it. It helped us to be able to see it from how we really felt vs. what our hormones were telling us in a heated situation. I relate this here because in the moment it's harder to resist all of the treats at a party, but ahead of time we'll be more likely to make a small goals we'll want to carry through the rest of the day.

PS. I have good news.

a

Perserverance

Oh, Audrey, you are wise. So, like I've talked to Ash, I have been messing up food wise this week and I didn't go to the gym today. :( Pooper scooper. And my gym is closed Friday. So, I am going to go Saturday and Sunday.

I've thought about the fact that I cannot continue messing up as I have been or I will gain weight. I need to change things.

a. I need to be getting up at a decent time. Joey and I have been sleeping super late and laying around and being lazy. This would be fine if it didn't hurt my motivation. I'm going to be considering it my job to get up at a good time and get my butt to the gym.

b. I'm not going to restrict myself to the point of insanity. I am going to try to be more balanced. :)

c. I am going to focus on the end goal: health and comfort with my body. I've lost thirty five pounds and I have a lot more to go (forty pounds to be exact). I can do this. I know it. I may need your support, and I may call you when I'm weak, so I thank you both in advance for all the help I know you'll be giving me. I appreciate you so so much and love you both even more.

<3>

MTA

Not so good of a Workout

So I was at the gym and I just felt tired and unmotivated for some reason. I ended up doing 10 minutes on three elliptical machines each (so 30) and then just 20 on the treadmill and then strength training for 10. 

So, not horrible, but I need to just go that much harder tomorrow. I know I can. And at least I did the whole hour. 

Tomorrow will be better :)

M

I need to get my butt off this couch and go to the gym! It's just so cold in my house I don't want to get out from under this blanket. Brrrrrr...........

a

Sunday

So today was not my proudest. I woke up later so I had oatmeal for breakfast. We were attending a party tonight in place of youth group. I knew there'd be lots of snacks and since I wasn't that hungry when we went I figured I could stick to the veggies and such. Well, I didn't have anything really bad. Some veggies, crackers and a few spoonfuls of various dips. But I'm worried about the dips, because I'm not feeling so hot. Now that we've been home I've been reluctant to eat anything else because I'm thinking I ate plenty at the gathering. Calories wise I probably had a lot in stupid food that doesn't pack many nutrients. So now I'm not feeling great and not really nourished. I think it would be easy to blame it on "this time of year" and this is just what happens. But I think there's a lesson here. Don't rely on other people to provide anything healthy. When I'm going to a party or anything like that, I just need to eat ahead of time. The dips and party platters are never going to be anything I can trust. Honestly, if I was going to eat a bunch of crap for dinner I'd rather it be crap I'd really enjoy. So I feel disappointed in myself because I could have done a lot better. But I just have to remember the feeling I have in this exact moment and try not to make the same decisions again to be in this place.
a

35 pounds!

35 pounds lost ladies! Woot woot! I'm really happy and excited. Only one pound this week, but I will keep losing more and more and lose all I need to. :) But, seriously, I think about the fact that I've lost 35 pounds and I am in shock... that is a lot and I am really proud of myself. Even though I wish I had lost more this week, I know I can just lose more this coming week.

I think one thing I need to be careful of are Subway subs. I've been eating them, and I stick with really healthy options, but it's a lot of bread to be eating. I don't think I need to cut them out, period, but eat less of them and be more careful. That way I will just keep losing.

I think when I get to 150 I might get a tattoo. :) Of course, small and somewhere pretty hidden to people. Just an idea, I'm still mulling it over. It would be a quote though.

Oh, and Amber and Matt ordered from Pizza Hut for dinner, she had Wingstreet Wings and he got a pizzone. I just sort of ignored it and texted Ash and it wasn't so bad. I had already eaten as well and told them to not let me have any. <3>

Anyway, I am very happy. Joey and I went on a bike ride and I'm doing yoga tonight :)

Love you both!!

M

Living.

This morning I was getting dressed and I was looking in the mirror and felt really proud. I go back and forth with how I feel about my body, but this morning I was really happy. I can't believe I finally found something that works. My weight has always been a struggle, lost weight, gain it, lose it, gain it. Lately (the past 4 years) I've never been able to get beneath the 130 mark. Actually getting below 135 was a big deal which I did just before the wedding. I know it sounds like splitting hairs because it all is a healthy weight but to me, it's something I've really wanted to do for a long time. When I went to college I gained so much weight, I never though I'd ever get to this point again. Then, after the wedding putting on more and getting away from the work I'd done. I just stood there for a second today, really proud and happy. I think that 14 lbs is a huge accomplishment, one I really didn't think I was capable of anymore. I can't attribute it to anything else but this blog. Having this accountability, but more importantly the loving care of people going through the same thing has helped me so much.

Now I feel like I'm at that point where I could easily go back up in weight because I've reached the goal so there's not as much need to pay attention. But with this blog I feel like I'll be able to handle this stage the way I've been able to do the weight loss in the first place .

Today my mom, gamma and Donnie all came to visit. It was really nice by the way. We went out to eat and this place had so much buffallo things and nachos, mozzarella sticks, etc. I was so proud of myself at the beginning. My mom and aunt ordered breaded broccoli and cheese and I did well I just wanted to taste and have two. Which I controlled. I ordered my buffallo chicken wrap GRILLED (YAY! huge improvement.) Also asked to substitute the fries for veggies. Well, I was proud of both of these decisions and they brought me the fries on accident. So that was really hard to not indulge in. I had a few and was upset about it. But I think for me it just has to be out of sight. If it's not in my house or not ordered, I just don't crave it anymore. It's just still so hard when it's right in front of me. I'm working on it, but this is a new goal. To have the utmost self control and not justify something detrimental to my health and weightloss. So I think I'll blog about that a little more, what helps me have more self control and what gets in the way.

<3 a

Up and Down

So I volunteered all morning with the Red Cross and they had all sorts of goodies, including croissants, which are my favorites, but I successfully stayed away. :)

But, while I was at the gym I had a sort of sad thought. I've heard it suggested before that overweight or fat people, especially girls, develop some sort of quasi-complex that basically involves pleasing people or jumping through hoops to gain people's approval. Every time I've heard that, I've sort of cringed inside and pushed it as far away as possible. However, thinking about it at the gym kind of validated that I really think I developed that, and not really with my family but with my friends. It's not that I don't love doing things for other people (because I really, sincerely do), but sometimes I wonder if I do overcompensate and try to please people in a way that maybe is unhealthy. But, if I want to be honest with myself, I felt like the fat girl of the group for a long time, and I think I internalized that and had to overcompensate in some ways, if that makes sense. I still think I feel inferior because I am the heaviest, and a lot of the time I feel like I have the cheapest clothes, makeup, and beauty products. I know this is probably really stupid, but I'm sitting here crying and I just feel like I need to look at how I deal with this stuff. I mean the night of my birthday I was so ashamed because I have this beautiful mom who wears a size two and I look the way I look. I think I take that stuff, lock it away, and overcompensate in other ways. 

I don't know, I think I'm just going to think about what is healthy versus what isn't and try to deal. I just have to dig deep and sort it out. Honestly just being able to be honest about it helps a lot. I feel better after getting it all out. Really, so thanks for all your support.  

M

Newness

So yesterday I was at the gym and I was looking at my sheet where I record everything I do since we started this. I just became really really proud. I don't think I've given myself enough credit of how huge this has been and how much I've accomplished. When I talked to you guys that day at Starbucks I had no idea we'd be here only three months later. I was just getting so fed up with my relationship with food and my body. I just felt overwhelmed and unhappy and I just didnt know what to do. And now I've already accomplished the goal I set out to do.

It's just this whole feeling of newness. I'm not craving bad things the way I used to. I just think, oh that's not on my plan. At the beginning it was SOOO hard, I would just crave things really powerfully, but now I just don't have those cravings. Obviously, sometimes I do, but it's just not nearly the same thing.

The thing I'm struggling most with now is that I think I have a distorted image of myself. I've explained how I do the yo-yo dieting thing. But I think that when I'm on my "eat whatever" mindset I look at myself and try to see myself as smaller and justify my behavior. But now when I'm on my healthy eating plan I'm looking at myself and constantly thinking I look really big in certain places. I look at magazines or TV and try to find bodies I look like, but I just don't know exactly how I look. And I'm hard on myself at the same time. I wish I could just look in the mirror and see what everyone else sees, but I just don't think I do.

I also want to be comfortable with myself and allow myself to do this slowly. I have gone from the overweight category of BMI to healthy range since we started this. I feel like since Im in that range I can't be too mad if the pounds don't want to drop off. I do want to look like the models and hell, like my friends. But I also want to work on my self esteem and remember that I am healthy and that's the goal.

<3 New Week

Hi dears,

Kate - I am thinking about you and your travels to Australia. I am hoping you are having an AMAZING time.

I decided that while on break I'm going to do yoga on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. I did it yesterday, and felt so good afterward. I just really want to use this break to do my best and get really good at yoga :) It is so nice to take ownership and pride in the strength and ability of my body, and to know how much it can accomplish. I feel like I took it for granted and wasted it for so long. I just know I never want to lose touch with that again, because I did for a long time.

My mom and I are talking about the NYC trip and it is a really good incentive to be at a good weight (hopefully 150!) by March so I can enjoy myself, go shopping, and be a little more carefree. :)

<3>

Ash -- how are meals going? Love you.

MTA

Hmm..

Hello ladies. I'm not too sure what to write. Things have been going so-so. I need to keep up with having good groceries in the house because last week I didn't do a good big shopping trip so a few times when I was hungry I had some snacks instead of fruits and veggies. The gym is going really well, I think I need to change some things up, but I'm not sure of exactly what. I know this isn't a really good post, but it's all I have to say.

Last Workout of the Week

Ahhh, so this week was TOUGH. I'm not going to lie. I haven't been 100 percent, but I kept pushing and went strong all week. It is insane how much better I am at the gym, how much stronger my body is. I know that sounds weird, but I can feel myself getting better, more healthy, and stronger.

I'm a little nervous to weigh myself tomorrow -- I really hope I lose some poundage, but if not, I'll just keep going. To be honest, things are a lot easier. The gym is just something I do, something I have to do, I don't feel like I even have much of a choice anymore, and eating better doesn't seem as daunting or hard anymore. Not that I want to jinx myself, and I mean, it isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it is easier than in the beginning. I still have about 5-6 months until I'll be down to my real goal weight, but I know I get smaller, healthier, and happier with each week I keep going.

Honestly, I'm just excited for the day I feel comfortable in a swimsuit. :)

Thanks for listening to my boring ramblings. (Well, reading, not really listening). Love you so much, both of you. <3

Middle of the Week

So this past week has been hard, workout wise. I've been doing everything and not slacking, but I feel less excited, but I think part of that is the stress from exams and all that stuff. For example, Monday I was at the gym after having very little sleep, so I know that had a lot to do with it. I've been doing really well with avoiding the scale until Saturdays, and I think that is really helping me.

I'm just tired, and need to take some time for myself, which is what I think I'll do tonight. Just relax and allow myself to unwind.

Joey told me two of his friends told him I was looking good and like I'd lost weight, but I guess they didn't tell me because they thought maybe it would be weird, lol. So that is good news, not that I care a lot about people noticing, but I do a little bit. :) Anyway, it's been quite a week so far. Love you both to pieces.

MTA

127.8 YAY

Today I did my weigh in and I couldn't believe the number I saw. I can't believe this number is real, I'm just so excited and proud and thankful.

So that marks me at to date 14.2 lbs lost. Also a 2.5% body fat drop. I just want to keep going and going, goal 1 down, goal 2 to go.

I was wondering about the blog. Kate, I know you started the one for Australia with the same e-mail address (it's very cute by the way!) But is there a way to seperate the two? It's really important to me that this remains private and there's no way to create a totally private blog on here. But since now you have two with your e-mail the profile are the same for both. So I'm thinking if some of your friends read your Australia one they could potentially see a link to this one as well. I tried to figure out how to change the e-mail to this account, but I don't think that's allowed. So do you think you could figure out a way to have the two seperate?

By the way, I love this new background.

Hmmmm....

So I read this article today about a mother and daughter who had problems in their relationship because the daughter was fat. They both wrote the article, and the gist was that the daughter was healthy and unashamed of being fat (she says she is not ashamed of the word and basically has reclaimed it). She said it was indeed possible to be healthy and fat because she exercises and mentioned she had her metabolism measured and was pretty slow.

Then the mother, who was thin, said she was so proud of her daughter love and acceptance of her body, but she wasn't there yet and was afraid to allow her body to be whatever weight it wanted to be.

So, this kind of bothered me. I mean, yes, I do believe you can be overweight and relatively healthy, but the fact of the matter is your body is not healthy carrying that extra weight and just because you can hulahoop does not mean you are in good physical condition. Allowing your body to "be whatever weight it wants to" is NOT good because if you are not careful you can become diabetic, have heart problems, etcetera. I don't think poorly of the overweight (obviously) and I'm pretty sure my BMI is still in the overweight category. Now, I do not think big people deserve prejudice or anything like that, but let's not get carried away and try to rationalize being fat. I just don't buy it. Your feet shouldn't have to carry around fifty extra pounds, and your heart deserves to be exercised. I am all for accepting body image and loving yourself, but I think you can love your body and still be realistic about getting into a comfortable area with yourself and/or challenging your physical health (I do... I am so thankful I have these legs and this heart and these hands because many, many others are not blessed with a functioning body like mine, and I believe we should keep this in mind).

And for that one person that does exercise and just has an abnormally slow metabolism, there are at least one hundred that could be helping themselves but choose not to (like me before the blog. I was overweight, I knew it, I had sunk into apathy). This is no different than someone addicted to alcohol or cigarettes or gambling or any activity hurting their bodies, but obesity and being overweight just happens to be more obvious. I am not hating on these people (or would be on myself) but I'm just saying let's not kid ourselves and teach children that it is okay to be fat, when really it isn't.

Hope it's okay that I rambled a bit. Love you both.

Updated!

So i have offically updated and prettified our blog, it was long over due. if we make over our bodies, we muct make over the conduit that enables that! Yes, mary its the backround we both so desperatly loved that sarah has, but this is for our eyes only so i hope she wont mind. In the mean time I have decided to blog my journey to Austrailia. I hope its fun to read, and not redicualse... I dont know why i have been so phobic of bloggin before, but pandoras box is open...it on... so tune in if youd like. its www.imgoingtothelanddownunder.blogspot.com

enjoy!

Another post

SO hi ladies! This could be a long story but I'll try to shortenit. Friday on the way to Gamma's house, driving in the rain. We had plans to spend the night and go to the craft fair the next day, drive home here and go to Gord's office party.

So on the way Gamma calls and Gordo talks because I'm driving pretty Rosie in the rain. She says she wants us to stop at NIck's and get a pizza and salad. I told him to tell her I'm on a diet (which she knows) can we stop and Panera or Chili's? (Because I already have done my research and know exactly what's the healthiest there because I go there so much). She says that's too expensive. (Mind you, we don't care about buying our own food, but she always wants to buy for her kids when they come over which is very sweet. But when she's paying there's only so much you can say.) So they hung up on "we'll talk about it". So me and Gord talked and I thought, how am I going to be around pizza one of my most favorite things and not eat it? Espiecally because I wanted dinner too, so I couldn't just eat the whole salad and leave none for anybody else.

So then ridiculously my mom calls us. It's like telephone in my family, I swear. So my mom says Gamma's really concerned about the money, please just eat pizza. Which by the way, last time I saw her she was all, "why are you losing so much weight? you look really thin" not in a nice way but in a weird kind of jealous way or angry or something, I don't know it was way weird. ANYWAY. I was kind of upset. So here I am thinking well, I guess I could have just one piece and salad. But I'd undo my whole day. I worked off 410 calories on the two machines that morning and I just didn't want to throw it all to the wind. So I'm going back and forth in my head.

Well, this put me over the edge: Gamma called back and talked to Gord and said order a pizza for all of us and a small everything pizza for granddaddy. I was so angry. I just couldn't believe that two weeks he's in the hospital with another blocked artery and now hey, let's give him some pizza. It just made everything so much more clear. I called her back and in a very calm way said "I just don't feel comfortable bringing pizza to him and I'm on a diet and I just can't eat it." So we stopped at Publix and bought lean ground beef, whole wheat pasta and low fat spaghetting sauce and made everyone healthy spaghetti.

It was one of those moments where I felt really proud. I said to Gordo "There's no reason to wonder why everyone in my family is addicted to something." It doesn't matter how close to death he is, he's just not going to change his diet. And I realize that while I was dealing with my food issue on a much smaller scale, this could be me in 50 years. And I'm just not willing to let that happen. And I feel happy that I was able to be an adult and make a positive decision and not allow tempting food to win out. I feel so much stronger in the area of food decision making since we started this blog. I knew that if I ate it I'd have to write it on here and that helped me. But it wasn't the only thing. It was something inside of me saying, I'm not going to be that person anymore.

And as I said to Gordo that night, I'm not a psycho who's saying I'll never eat pizza again. I just don't want it now. I want to get to my goal and maintain for a while and then enjoy indulgences in small doses. But not because I have to or it's there and "I don't have a choice" because I think the reality is, we do have choices when it comes to food. And as much as this was a tough situation, I had a choice and I know I made the right one. So...

Friday:
B: Cheerios, protein drink
L: Turkey (not from thanksgiving! deli meat!)
D: Healthy spaghetti

Saturday:
B: Eggs
L: Soup, Grilled chicken sandwich
D: Few h'our dourves and the party, tried to go for the healthier things

Today:

late breakfast so probably no lunch today. Cheerios and protein drink. Not sure what dinner will be.

Can't wait for tomorrow, love you!

a

Yesssss

So, I lost five pounds this week.... I knew these workouts would pay off!!

That is 30 pounds thus far, and I am really happy and feel energized and inspired to keep working hard. I'm really happy and feel good about it. I did yoga today and I want to just keep going strong.

I love you both and I thank you for your support. I could not have done this without both of you.


<3 <3 <3

Will post all food, I just have to

I guys. I decided I'm going to post all the foods I eat. It's not as easy to cheat when I do this. SO

yesterday went as planned but after dinner I was cheatey. Even after the long post about how I won't cheat, I was just going to have my little treat of low fat ice cream. But then it turned out the sunchips were calling my name... so I decided last night to get rid of them. at the beginning I was able to control these little cravings and indulge minimally. But since I'm at this place now I've fallen off the wagon a little. So they're gone.

B: Cereal, protein drink
L: Small amount of tuna mixed with light mayo
D: Feta on a lean burger and small piece of whole grain bread.

This was much much better and I'm not going to snack. It's 7:00 now and I'm still hungry so I'm going to let myself have some raisins. But I just feel like I need to be more careful and writing it all out really helps.

And, my garbage disposal went on the fritz this morning and needless to say the kitchen was not where I wanted to be all day. BUT Gord came home and fixed it! Isn't that exciting? I'm so proud! And thankful to have a handyman husband.
a

Awesome workouts and goal for NY

So, I have been doing awesome at the gym this week. I'm feeling really good about it. Today, I did 10 on one type of elliptical, 30 on another type of elliptical, another 10 on the first kind and 10 on the treadmill. That's 50 straight minutes on two different elliptical trainers. I NEVER would have thought I would be anywhere near capable of that, and I have been doing it all week. 50 and then treadmill or 50 and then strength training.

Sorry if I'm being repetitive, but it is just so crazy to me. My body feels sore, but good at the same time. It's kind of amazing. I'm excited to start doing yoga three times a week during break.

I'm just really hoping to get down another five pounds this week... I know that sounds like a lot, but I have so much to lose and have been really kicking butt, so I'm hoping!

I might be going to NYC in March for Spring Break and I want to be at 150 when I go. I'm at 180 now, so I don't think that's unattainable. I'll need to lose around 10 pounds a month to make it. I think I can do it. :) Or at least get close.


<3 you guys so much. Thank you for all your help, support, and love. <3

MTA

Wednesday

Hi guys.

I've been trying to figure out exactly what to report to the blog. Starting out writing everything I ate daily was really helpful because I was holding myself accountable for everything. But now I'm doing a lot better and I don't feel like I need to write that every day. But I know that if I want to be really serious about losing these last 10lbs I'm going to have to work really hard to take out the little cheats I've been letting slide. So I might just have to start writing out my menu choices again.

Yesterday I ate
B: Cereal, protein drink
L: Broccolli soup, small chunk of baugette
D: Steak, couple bites of mashed potatoes, 1 roll and some chips with cheese dip.

Hmm....so it's kind of embarassing to admit this. The steak was fine, real small portion, I shared with my mom. Only a few bites of the potatoes, but the cheese dip and chips was probably no a good choice. I thought I could just have a few, I mean hey I've accomplished so much..right...?? I will give myself that I did MUCH better at this meal than I would have pre-blog. I would ate until I was so full to the point of uncomfort. This time I was able to have just a couple cheats. And honestly I think this would be FINE if I was at my goal weight. A dinner out and open to some treats. but the problem is I've altered that first goal and I'm just not there yet.

So all in all, I was disappointed with the decision to indulge a little too much. I feel like I need to be more serious at this point if these are really going to come off. The first 12 has taken a LOT of work and very little cheating. If I'm going to get off another 10, it's going to take even more work and even less cheating. SO I know I need to be much more serious. I'm going to work on it.

Monday I had
B: Plain oatmeal
L: Tuna by itself with a serving of light mayo mixed in, baked lays chips
D: baked chicken with artichokes, goat cheese, tomatoes, spinache
S: lowfat ice cream, sunchips

(Too many snacks this day, I realized that after dinner and I was still hungry...)

Today (Wednesday)
B: Cereal, coffee
L: Tzataki sauce, feta and small lean ground beef patty on whole grain bread
For dinner I'm thinking of salad or something else very small.

I'm not posting this because I think you guys should care or be interested at all, it's just I need that accountability I had in the beginning when I was posting everything I ate. Because now that I've reached this point it's just so much easier to cheat and I really don't want to. Thanks for the help.

a